My Ideas for College Football Bowls

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It is ridiculous the amount of college football bowl games there are.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching teams from different conferences in great matchups, such as Wisconsin/Oregon, Stanford/Oklahoma State, and Kansas State/Arkansas this year.  But enough is enough.  35 bowls?  Seriously?  There are only about 120 Division I teams, and 70 of them play in bowl games.  So I say to hell with it; if we are going to go all “everyone gets a medal so no one feels left out” mode, then let’s do it right.  With 25 more bowls we can include every team, and I have a few ideas for some of them.  Of course these bowls will need some “gimmick” to get people interested, and I have a few ideas for that too!  Here are my ideas:

The Golden Corral “All you can eat” Bowl.  Instead of a parade or festival, each player will have to eat 5 pounds of food immediately prior to the game or be ineligible to play.  The game will also be sponsored by Pepcid and Immodium.

 Netflix Bowl.  In the middle of the game, Netflix will double the price of the tickets, and if you don’t pay you can only watch one team (I’m just the idea man; it is up to Netflix to work out the details).

Yur Scrued Healthcare Management Bowl.  With every order of nachos or hot dog, every person gets a dose of cholesterol busting Lipitor.

Minnesota Militia Bowl.  The losing team will be forced into a locker room standoff with the ATF.

Burning Man Bowl.  Only people with loin clothes and face paint will be allowed in.  At halftime, vendors will pass a special free “drink” to all ticketholder, and the next day fans will realize they don’t remember the final score, much less what happened in the second half or how they got home.

Taco Bell “Run for the border” Bowl.  This game will take place in Laredo.  20 lucky fans will be entered in a contest and will have to cross the border to Monterrey, Mexico.  Those who make it past the border guards, drug dealers, and human trafficking coyotes enroute to Monterrey will be treated to the plastic surgery of their choice in a dirty backroom by a questionable doctor.

Preparation H Bowl.  Free samples to everyone who actually makes it through the whole game.

The Rice Bowl.  The last place team will travel to Japan and will take on the Yokohama Women’s Baseball team in Tokyo.  Vegas will have Yokohama by 7.

The Bowl Bowl.  Only 10 players on each team can play, and will be forced to use a 10 pound bowling ball while wearing rented shoes.